So a canner can can, can he?

You know that exceedingly canny canner? The one who remarked to his granny about being able to can anything he can can? Well a canner can't can a can, can he? But let's just pretend he was going to.

Would he:
-need to add lemon juice
-have a proven, tried and true recipe
-have the right kind of pectin
-have exactly the right amount of every single ingredient
-have the right number of the right size of jars
-need to boil the can
-need to sterilize the jar to put the can in
-need to leave 1/4", 1/2", 3/4", or 1" of head space
-need to remove the bubbles around the edge of the jar
-need to wipe the rim of the jar
-know to tighten the band finger tight or more (and whose finger are we talking about?)
-have to process with an inch water on top
-have to add water to maintain the inch
-know to add 5 minutes to the processing time to allow for the extra altitude of the area
-know to leave the jars sitting in the canner for 5 minutes after processing
-know not to tilt jar
-need to leave one inch of breezeway in between jars
-know to not touch the jars (or the water on top of them) for 24 hours
-listen for the pop of the jar sealing
-observe the concave lid that cannot be removed
-remove the band to store the canned can
-say "Screw this, I don't want to kill my family of botulism" and decide to store everything in the fridge anyway

I don't know. I'm definitely not the exceedingly canny canner...