Hmmm...

You know how during the day you think of about eleventy seven awesome blog posts that you're going to do as soon as you get the time, and then you finally get the time and sit down at the computer and start writing... and erasing.... and writing... and erasing... yeah - that's this post.  I think I've gone through 4 titles now.  And erased about 7 paragraphs (using the term paragraph very loosely.)  It's hard for me to jump in and just "start fresh."  I'm one of those people that likes to talk... a lot... and tell the antithesis of the "Reader's Digest Version."  I'm all about the back story.  So how b'zackly I'm going to just jump back into my half-a-year-neglected blog has me stumped.  I guess I'm just a little bummed that I didn't record all the day-to-day stuff that's happened these last 6 months - for my own sake.  And for the sake of boring you all to tears of course.  How 'bout I just start with today, and if something doesn't make sense, you just ask me for clarification.

Well, I guess to start with today, I have to tell you about yesterday.  It was our first day back homeschooling after a week long vacation to Galveston and the two weeks prior to that were fraught with a lack of normalcy because of Andy and I both having pneumonia (not at the same time thankfully, yeesh!)  So I was well aware that yesterday might be ahem difficult but WOW was it DIFFICULT!  I let Ira sleep in because he too (on our 2nd to last day of vacation) caught the upper-respiratory crud that Andy and I had.  He's getting over it thanks to our doctor calling in antibiotics for us, but yesterday was really the first day he felt better.  So we got started around 10 and let me just say, it was a battle all. day. long.  At one point Ira told me he wished I would "move to California and drown."  Touching, isn't it?  I tried to be patient, but you know what, I haven't been the most diligent in my prayer life lately and it shows in how my days go.  So we didn't get done with school until 5 o'clock.  GAH!!!!  And when I spend so much of the day "educating" Ira (be it behaviorally or academically) I feel like I don't get to be Ruby's mommy like I should be.  On top of all of that, it is near impossible to get anything done on a day like that, which just compounds the problem of feeling ineffective and worthless... California, here I come...  Dinner was late (Chana Masala -mmmm) but we were able to end our day with a decade of the rosary.

After the kids were in bed, Andy and I rolled newspapers (for our route of 800 that we throw once a month), talked, and watched our favorite show, Castle.  On top of feeling like a failure, I was also feeling particularly sad about our miscarriages.  I tell you, that is a deep heartache.  The kind that just takes your breath away at times.  It is so hard because in the end, when all the chips are down, it's completely out of our hands.  I can't try, pray, wish, or hope my way into more children for our family.  And I feel this acute emptiness in my life.  There's this gaping hole in my heart and I can't fill it.  It physically aches.  God can fill it.  I know that.  I know Christ didn't come to bring flowers and rainbows to sinners.  He came to die on the cross.  To show us how to live by dying to ourselves.  Suffering can be transformative if I offer it back to God.  I'm still working on that...

So yeah, to say I was dreading today would be an enormous understatement.  I had come up with a few different strategies to try to make today's school day go better. I got up right when my alarm rang at 6 o'clock.  "Serviam."  I started the day with a shower and more time than usual in prayer (no mass this morning, so I had some extra time.)  Ruby got up before Ira and she and I had about 15 minutes of snuggling, talking, and reading a book before she finally demanded "BREFEST"  It was just wonderful.  And you know what, the rest of the day went well too.  The kids and I were even able to go throw those 800 newspapers this afternoon so Andy didn't have to do it tonight.  Thanks God, I so needed a "today."

And I got this too:

And Ruby wore this to help Andy replace the brake pads on my car HA!!!  This is SO Ruby:

I'll leave you with Ira's narration for "Joseph in Potiphar's House"  it's a good'n:

"It was about the famous dream.  You probably know the story.  You know how Joseph's brothers sold him to a camel caravan?  The camel caravan sold him to Potiphar.  And Potiphar noticed that everything he told him to do, he could accomplish.  So he gave him charge of his whole household.  What an honor!  And Potiphar's wife was his friend, but after that, his enemy!  And she noticed that he wouldn't do wrong to please her.  And then she falsely told her husband lies about him.  And so Potiphar threw him into prison.  And then the king had a dream, well, two dreams actually.  And the dream was that there was seven fat cows eating by the river (probably the River Nile) and then seven thin cows came and ate up the fat.  And then he saw seven fat ears of corn, and seven thin and dry ones came up and ate the full beautiful ones.  And the meaning of this dream was that there would be seven years of plenty, then BLAM.  BLAM, BLAM, BLAM.  The food would be gone.  There would be a famine.  Yikes!  The Pharaoh made him in charge of storing up the food for the seven years of famine.  And people came from all over to get food, because the famine was all over the world.  Or at least that world."

You can't make that stuff up, folks!  And with that, I bid you "Goodnight!"

Journey to Omaha III: Answers

Now that Part II is up, I can finish Part III.  If you haven't read Part I or Part II, read them first.

It has taken me awhile to be ready to blog about the answers, the long-awaited answers we received in Omaha.  I wanted to wait until I could do right by that post.  Although I've given many a brief synopsis of what we found out, I have yet to really tell the whole. long. story.  Writing like that is daunting and requires time and inspiration for me to feel up to it.  Those of you with littles know that those two things rarely strike simultaneously.  Today though, Ira is on Spring Break and my wonderful in-laws invited both kiddos to spend the day and night at their house.  After some quiet time and prayer, I'm feeling moved to share.  I'll try to pick up where I left off in Journey to Omaha.

So when I last wrote, I was still up in Omaha waiting for that pesky follicle to rupture. When I went for my scan on Tuesday morning, the follicle was gone (which means it ruptured.)  The sono tech said that she believed Dr. Hilgers would classify the build-up and ovulation as normal.  Which was both a relief and a "huh what?" all at the same time.  Obviously it is good any time tests come back normal.  It is a sign of healthy function, which should be the goal of all medicine: to restore the body to proper and healthy function.  But when you've had five miscarriages with no explanation, tests coming back as normal don't really help identify the problem.  Normal results rule out problems, but they don't provide solutions.  With relief and more questions than answers, I headed home on February 19th, a week and a day before my scheduled surgery date.  Omaha was supposed to get hit with a blizzard on Thursday, so I was glad to get out ahead of the storm.  The drive back was sunny and windy (seems like it was always windy when I drove to and from Omaha...)  I picked up Ruby and made it back home just after Ira got out of school.

The weathermen were predicting heavy snow for our area that Wednesday (the 20th), but when we woke up, it wasn't snowing.  Ruby and I went to morning Mass and as we left Mass, it was snowing pretty big flakes.  I was supposed to go to my parents' house because my uncle was in town, but my tooth et al was really, really bothering me (the side of my face with the crown, my face, ear, head, and neck were so sore that Tylenol four times a day was not even making a difference.)  I wasn't sure if it was all tooth-related or two separate issues (like maybe an ear infection?) so I thought I'd go to my regular doctor to see if he could make heads or tails of the problem.  I was going to leave Ruby with my parents, but as we got closer to town, the snow got heavier and heavier.  When we got to my parents' house, the radar looked ominous, so I just took Ruby with me, in case we needed to head home to avoid getting stranded.  On the way to the appointment, I called home to check our messages to make sure that Ira's school hadn't called to cancel. They had.  Ira would be getting out of school at the same time as my scheduled appointment, 11:00.  Thankfully, I was able to get a hold of one of Andy's aunts who was able to pick Ira up from school and watch him so that I could go to my appointment.  The roads were treacherous across town, but we made it to the appointment on time.

My beloved doctor, the doctor who helped us after our first three miscarriages and who helped us have our sweet Ruby (& who has studied under Dr. Hilgers) was excited to hear how things in Omaha were going and what we were finding out.  He examined my face, head, neck, throat, ears, and said he really thought that the tooth was causing all of the other problems.  He wanted to prescribe an antibiotic (because he really thought the tooth was infected) but when I asked him if that would mess with the uterine cultures that Dr. Hilgers wanted to do during surgery the next week, he said it very well could.  He advised me to call my dentist and said if I still needed antibiotics when I got back to call him.  He prescribed some pain medicine as well, so Ruby and I stopped on the way home to pick that up.  I also called the dentist.  He said it definitely sounded like I needed a root canal.  His office was able to schedule one with an endodontist (is that right?) for Monday the 25th (the day before we'd leave for Omaha again.)  The snow was tapering off and it wasn't very cold out, so after I picked Ira up, the kids went out and played in the snow.  That ended pretty abruptly when Ira whacked Ruby right under the eye with a metal shovel (it was a sincere accident.)  Neither was really in the mood to play in the snow after that, though.  Ruby had a nice shiner for weeks.  Andy made it home from work without any trouble later in the afternoon.  Ira's school called that evening to cancel for the next day (as more snow was predicted.) Hooray for a snow day!

The next morning (Thursday the 21st) we awoke to tons of snow and it was still snowing.  Andy said he would try to get to the highway to see if he could make it to work.  He came back inside after 5 minutes because he couldn't even get his truck out of the driveway!  We had a fun day at home as a family.  Andy and Ira spent the afternoon digging out our driveway and a path to the road.  Ira's school called again that evening to cancel for Friday.

Friday morning, Andy was able to make it to work (the 50 minute drive took him 2+ hours.)  Crews spent the day clearing the roads, and by the time Andy headed home, the roads weren't too bad at all (except for the big highway from town, someone dropped the ball on that one completely!)  As soon as Andy got home, we turned around to take my rental car back.  We made it just minutes before the rental company closed, thank goodness!  Andy's parent's called to see if we wanted to go to our Parish's Fish Fry for dinner, so we headed home to meet them there.  Apparently everyone else was as tired of being cooped up as we were, because the Fish Fry was packed.  It was good to catch up with people from our parish and fill them in on what we had found out so far.  When we were watching the news that night, the weathermen were predicting another big snowstorm to hit Monday (we were supposed to leave early early Tuesday morning to go back to Omaha.)  We talked about maybe leaving early to get out ahead of the storm, but decided the root canal was pretty important, so if things were looking bad, we would leave immediately after the root canal and drive all night if need be.

Saturday we took the kids sledding at the spot to sled in town.  Andy & I had never sledded there either.  There was a bit of a miscommunication about who was grabbing my coveralls, and we ended up in town without them.  I had a major meltdown/fit.  Not one of my finer moments at all. (Sorry, honey.)  It took Andy threatening to pack us all up and go back home for me to shut up and calm down. (I really wanted the kids to get to go sledding.)  We ended up having a great time and the missing coveralls were scarcely missed.  We sledded until Ruby and I were fuh-reezing, then ran a few errands, went to dinner, and got home in time to put the kids to bed.  While Andy was putting the kids to bed, I got online to check what the forecasters were saying about Monday's storm.  It hit me like a ton of bricks that they could close the highways and we would not physically be able to get to Omaha on Monday or Tuesday.  When Andy came out from putting the kids to bed, we decided that it would probably be smartest to leave on Sunday after Mass to get out ahead of the storm.  We had not come this far to miss our appointments and surgery because of a stupid snowstorm.  Initially, we planned to have Ira go to Andy's parents and Ruby go to my parents on Sunday, that way Andy's parents could take Ira to school (if they had it) on Monday.  I was pretty unsettled about that because Ruby did alright, but not great with me being gone the last time.  I was very nervous how she would handle both Andy & I being gone and being separated from Ira, so we made the decision that both of the kids would go to my parents' house, and we would hope for the best as far as getting Ira to school.  I would have to miss my root canal, but again, the appointments and surgery were far more important to us.

It was a hassle picking up the rental car on Sunday (most of the locations were closed) and we had to drive way out east to get it, but we finally got everything transferred over and the kids settled in at my parents' before getting on the road around 3:30.  The drive there was uneventful, although we could see clouds to the west.  Ira's school called in the evening to cancel for Monday in anticipation of the blizzard.  We ate dinner at the I-80 junction, and when we came out from dinner it was snowing.  Luckily the storm was moving slow enough that after 30 minutes of driving we were out of it and made it to Omaha with nary a problem.

With no appointments on Monday, we went to Mass at the Cathedral, ate a great lunch at Petrow's, and went shopping for Ruby's birthday present.  It was a really nice day together.  We kept in touch with my parents who said the blizzard was slow in arriving (didn't really start in earnest until Monday afternoon/evening.)  Ira's school called again in the evening to cancel school for Tuesday.

Tuesday morning we got up and around and went to lunch at The Old Mattress Factory in downtown Omaha (again, great food!)  I had pre-op blood work and a meeting with the anesthesiologist (wow I'm totally geeking out because I spelled that right without spell-check) at Creighton University Medical Center where my surgery would be the next day.  The whole surgery thing became very real when we walked into the hospital.  A laparoscopy is a pretty common procedure, but it is surgery, nonetheless.  We had just enough time after our appointment to go back to the hotel and pray a rosary before heading to my pre-op consult with Dr. Hilgers.

When we got to the Institute, I think Andy had that same moment of "wow, this is really the place" as I did upon first seeing it.  I had to slow my pace to walk with him so that we could bask in the moment together.  The receptionist let us know that Dr. Hilgers was still at CUMC finishing up surgeries, so he would be a little late for our appointment.  We spent time in the waiting room looking through the "miracle albums" - photos of all the babies Dr. Hilgers has helped into this world over the last 25+ years.  Before long, the nurse called us back.  Dr. Parker, a doctor doing a fellowship under Dr. Hilgers, did a complete head-to-toe physical examination and asked about three bazillion questions to get a thorough and accurate picture of my health and background.  He left the room and I redressed and went to the bathroom (a door right off the exam room.)  When I was in the bathroom, I thought I heard someone come in, and sure enough, when I opened the door, there was Dr. Hilgers, smiling and approachable, sitting at the consult table chatting with Andy.

He warmly shook my hand as I sat down, and proceeded to go through all the tests that we had done up to that point.  He admitted that my NFP charts looked crazy, exhibiting a myriad of problems: long cycles, tail end brown bleeding, continuous mucus, and mid and end of cycle spotting, but he also concurred with the sono techs about the normal ovulation.  He acknowledged that the sono techs had identified potentially Poly Cystic Ovaries.  He went through the hormone panel that I had completed in December, saying estrogen and progesterone levels were pretty much right where they needed to be.  He speculated about endometriosis, as their research has revealed that 85% (!!) of women with recurrent miscarriages have endometriosis.  And he closed by saying that he was pretty sure that the surgery the next day would tell us a lot.

Now, I wish I could tell you that I left the appointment positive, reassured, and confident that this whole crazy journey had been worth it.  In reality, I was defeated, depressed, and doubtful (this was before I was seeing improvements with the TSD, btw.)  What I got out of the appointment was this: "We still have no answers for you, everything looks pretty much as it should except for your whacked out NFP charts." Seriously?!  But Andy, my eternally, incredibly, always-seeing-the-best-in-every-situation, husband got something entirely different out of the appointment: we will know a lot more tomorrow.  I called my best friend who said, "even if you don't get the answers you were seeking, you will have peace of mind that you've done everything you could."  So true, but a tough pill to swallow nonetheless.  I painted my toenails and completed all my surgery prep (enema, shower, anti-bac scrub down that left me terribly itchy) and tried to go to sleep.

We got to the hospital shortly before 8:30 for surgery scheduled at 10:30.  I got into the hospital gown, put ted hose on (anti-embolism precaution), took my contacts out,  and tried not to worry (and luckily I guess?, because of my itchy reaction, did not have to go through the anti-bac scrub down again.)  The nurse started an IV.  Andy was allowed to come back when I was finally settled (around 9:30 am)  While we waited for surgery about three bazillion people came into my pre-op room to check on me: my nurse, an anesthesia resident, the anesthesiologist (who had a French accent and was so difficult to understand... as he was leaving he asked what my "het" and "wet" were... it took me forever to realize he was saying "height" and "weight"), Dr. Hilgers, followed by Dr. Parker (it was funny when he walked in because I recognized him but couldn't place him at all until I saw his badge) and the nurse a couple more times.  The time passed rather quickly and it wasn't long before the French anesthesiologist was in giving me some stuff prior to the nurse wheeling me to the OR.  The last thing I remember was the nurse saying, "The anesthesiologist gave you quite the cocktail".....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

And then I woke up in the recovery room.  Sick.  Feeling so nauseous.  There was a nurse there when I woke up and she asked how I felt.  I said "nauseous" and she said they'd already given me 2 (or 3?) medications (apparently I had been "awake" (and able to convey how I felt) prior to that, but I have no recollection of that (which is so weird to me, but whatever) but that she would page the doctor.  I fell back asleep and woke up again when she came in again saying she was going to give me some Phenergan.  I gagged and threw up.  She was standing on my right side waiting for me to roll over and  I guess I thought the Phenergan would go in my IV or something  (she probably told me exactly what she was going to do, and what I needed to do but again, I was pretty groggy...)  (Again, I'm guessing) she asked me to roll over on my left side.  When I realized (as the needle went in) that she was giving me a shot in the butt, I tried to relax as I had with the progesterone shots.  (Apparently I didn't do too good of a job as I can still feel where she gave me the shot.)  She asked me if I thought I'd be able to go home (well the hotel, whatever) that day or if I needed to stay at the hospital.  I said, "I'd sure like to."  I fell back asleep and when I woke up, I felt a lot better.  As I waited for them to transfer me to the post-op room (where I could finally see Andy) I remember wanting to know what (if anything) they had found.

I waited (sleeping on and off) for what seemed like forever for Andy to get to the post-op room.  When he got there I immediately asked if they'd found anything.  Sure enough, Dr. Hilgers had found endometriosis and uterine polyps.  I cried.  Out of relief.  Out of joy.  Over answers.  We finally had something that wasn't right.  One of the times I woke up, I realized I had a wooden rosary taped to my right hand (carefully with the crucifix in the palm.)  The nurse had asked prior to surgery if I was Catholic and if I wanted a rosary from Dr. Hilgers.  She said that he takes the rosaries to the Vatican when he goes and has them blessed by the pope.  I had no idea it would go with me to recovery.  How beautiful.

Now, to be frank, to be dismissed from the hospital, they needed me to pee, so they really pushed the IV fluids.  I slept a lot.  They had an ice pack on my stomach.  I finally woke up around 3:30 and needed to pee.  The nurse walked me to the bathroom (yeah, up and walking 4 hours post surgery.)  I still felt pretty groggy, but I knew I'd be more comfortable back at the hotel, so they proceeded with dismissal instructions and I got back into my own clothes and we left (the hospital has free valet parking, how cool is that?!  Andy went down ahead of me to request the car and when I got down there, the car was already waiting.)

That afternoon and evening (and night) was hard.  When they do the laparoscopy, they pump your abdomen full of carbon dioxide gas so that they can work around the organs.  Despite removing what they can, some gas remains behind, and can cause pain (shoulder pain in particular), which I was aware of.  I was not aware of how bad it would hurt.  It was the weirdest pain and difficult to describe, but I'll do my best.  First off, I was so bloated.  My stomach was huge and I couldn't "suck it in" for the life of me (not that I really tried, but it was awkwardly distended.)  Secondly, whenever I moved, the air in my stomach did what air does - it follows the laws of gravity.  So it would rush (with callous disregard for my organs) to the highest point.  That meant if I laid on my left side, the air rose to the right side.  If I sat up, or stood up and walked around (which I tried to do when I could, as it's supposed to help) the air rose to the top of my abdomen, causing pain in my right shoulder, and pushing on my lungs, making it excruciating to take even a shallow breath.  Using my vast experience with the laws of gravity, I devised that if I laid on the bed with my head on the pillow and my butt up in the air, the gas would "rise" to my butt and take the pressure off of my lungs.  Pretty, huh?  It worked.  The gas wasn't comfortable down (up?) there either, but it was better than when I could hardly breathe.  So I would cycle through all these positions: butt up in the air, slowly trying to lay down (to avoid the rush of air bubbles with callous disregard for my poor innards), laying on one side, the other, sitting up, getting up and walking around.  The pain was sharp and seriously took my breath away when I would change positions (there is seriously nothing like the feeling of having your tender guts pushed all over the place.)  I would rather go through childbirth.  Contractions were nothing compared to that.

Hours went by like that and finally sometime after 2:30 am, I fell asleep.  I don't even know what time we woke up that next morning.  We had a post-op consultation with Dr. Hilgers at 11:00, so we were up and out of the hotel sometime prior to that.

The pain that morning was a little more manageable, or maybe it was just the fact that I was excited to meet with Dr. Hilgers again.

He came in the room and said, "Well, we got answers!"  He showed/talked through the video of my hysteroscopy and laparoscopy.  He pointed out the polyps (which he also removed) and showed us how the lining of my uterus was very inflamed.  He called it "chronic endometritis" and said it was an indicator of infection and made the uterus a very hostile environment for a pregnancy.  He had taken uterine cultures, and told us that the cultures only turn up positive for known infections 20% of the time, but he also told us that antibiotics take care of the infection (of known or unknown origin) 70% of the time.  He voiced his frustration with the IVF-oriented culture of obstetrics, saying that they (the obstetrics field, NOT PPVI Institute) have been researching IVF improvements since the 60s (i think?) and have scarcely improved their success rates.  I said, "we're grateful that you're researching things," to which he responded, "Thank you, but I just wish that someone else would help me out.  Even just one other person."  He continued on with the video, revealing very enlarged ovaries (consistent with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome - PCOS) and a handful of spots of endometriosis.  As the video finished up, he said "now let's devise a plan."

The polyps were what were causing the mid/end-of-cycle spotting.  The chronic endometritis for me, causes the tail end brown bleeding (whose presence or absence will let us know if the infection is under control.)  It can be treated with antibiotics.  He gave Andy & I both a prescription for Biaxin, (reminiscent of the prescription for Doxycycline Dr. Ferris gave Andy & I both, speculating about infection, before our successful pregnancy with Ruby.  Interesting.) and said that he wanted me to look into eating an anti-inflammatory diet.  He said I had cervical eversion, which was probably causing the continuous mucus, which he treated with cervical ablation (cauterization) at the time of the hysteroscopy.  He went through my bloodwork results again, noting that the FSH and LH levels were reversed and my androgen and testosterone levels were off (which were highlighted in the results they sent me in January, but which he didn't really talk about much during our pre-op appointment, sly dog did I really just refer to Dr. Hilgers as a sly dog?) which is indicative of PCOS (as are the enlarged ovaries and the long cycles) and said the treatment for that is an ovarian wedge resection.  An ovarian wedge resection is a surgical procedure in which they cut a wedge (a "v" shape) out of the middle of the oval-shaped ovaries, then close the "v" up to make a more circular, normal ovary.  He said the procedure should correct the hormone levels.  During that procedure (robotic assisted surgery) they would also remove the endometriosis.  He summed his findings up by saying that I had three known causes of miscarriage: endometritis, endometriosis, and PCOS, and said that following treatment he would give us an 80% chance of successful pregnancy. EIGHTY PERCENT!!!!!!

Holy answers, batman!

Now he did say that sometimes (for whatever reason, again they're continually researching), the first pregnancy following intervention ends in miscarriage.  And he acknowledged that that is a lot to go through after all that we've been through already.  But he assured us that many of his patients (even that miscarry after intervention) go on to have successful successive pregnancies.

After asking if we had any questions (we had just a few) he shook our hands and took us to the woman that does his surgery scheduling, Cheryl, saying that it might be 2-3 months before I could get in for surgery.  When we sat down however, Cheryl excitedly told us that there was a date at the end of March that they had had trouble filling (probably partly due to the fact that it's during Holy Week) that was available for my surgery if we wanted it.  She tentatively penciled us in (until we could check with Andy's work and my mom) for March 26th.  She also told us to ease into the anti-inflammatory diet as it is very overwhelming all at once (essentially, no processed grains, lots of fruits and vegetables, lean meats, little dairy.)

When we called my mom after the appointment she immediately said to take the date.  Andy's employer didn't have a problem with it either, so we made the appointment for robotic assisted surgery on March 26th with hopes that we will be able to travel home on Good Friday (Cheryl assured me that it would definitely be a "Good Friday" as I would have plenty of suffering to unite with Christ's.)

We were able to travel home from Omaha on Friday, March 1st.  The gas pain persisted until Saturday afternoon, when I finally turned the corner and it became less painful.  That night, while at my sister's house, I entertained she and Damien (and Andy) with rolling from side to side on the floor so that they could hear the gas bubbling from side to side (again, going to the highest point.)  I had no idea I'd be in maternity pants so soon after going to Omaha.  lol.  I had to wear them (because I was tired of living in yoga pants) until the following Friday because my stomach was still so bloated that I couldn't even zip my regular pants.  The two incisions are healing beautifully (not that that really matters much, but they are.)  The one at my belly button (the bigger one) looks like just another wrinkle in my belly button and the lower, smaller one looks like an ingrown hair at best.  I guess I tell you that just because I am amazed at the finesse of such a skilled surgeon.

Wow.  Just wow.  Even a month later, I am still coming to terms with this new reality. This reality filled with hope.  It's strange after so long of being completely in the dark (as to the cause of our miscarriages) what it feels like to bask in the light of answers.  I can hardly describe the love that I feel for Dr. Hilgers.  That there is a doctor out there, going so against the grain of the world, to bring healing and hope to women.  Not just artificially propping up their bodies to support a pregnancy, but actually getting to the root of the problem and healing them.  That can only come from working in harmony with The Creator.  Praise God for this man!  I am also overcome with gratitude to God for the beauty that has come from such pain.  The story God is writing through me never ceases to amaze and surprise me.   Now that we have answers, God working through the fallenness of this world to bring about good is so obvious to me.  I only wish I could say that my faith in His hand working for good through it all never faltered.  Sometimes (on the good days) I could cling to the hope that God was working through it all.  But on those dark days, I could only (and barely) cling to Andy who was clinging to God through it all.  Praise God for my faithful, holy husband.

So there you have it.  Far from the final chapter of our story, but definitely a big moment in it.  We are faithfully taking our antibiotics twice a day.  (I have nine alarms set on my phone right now: 2 per day for antibiotics, 2 per day for the T3 (has to be taken twelve hours-to the minute- apart, can't eat 2 hours before or one hour after taking, 4 per day for taking my temps and pulses to track for the TSD, and 1 to wake up each morning. )  We are slowly adjusting our diets to align them more with an anti-inflammatory way of eating (pounds and pounds of fruits and vegetables are getting eaten in this house each week.)  And we are scheduled to go back to Omaha next week for surgery.

If you would, please keep us in your prayers this coming Holiest of Weeks.  Pray for safe travels.  Pray for a successful surgery with no complications.  Pray for a speedy recovery.  Pray that we can make it home for Easter with our children.  Even more so, pray for Dr. Hilgers.  Pray for God to give strength and encouragement and help to this holy servant.  Pray for NaPro Technology to be more widely recognized, studied, and accessible.  Pray for the field of obstetrics.  Pray for the millions of other couples struggling to live their lives through the pain of infertility and/or miscarriage.

I'll leave you with the lyrics to one of my favorite hymns.  Seriously, I get teary singing it every. time.

"Oh God beyond all praising, we worship you today and sing the love amazing that songs cannot repay; for we can only wonder at every gift you send, at blessings without number and mercies without end: we lift our hearts before you and wait upon your word, we honor and adore you, our great and mighty Lord.

Then hear, O gracious Savior, accept the love we bring, that we who know your favor may serve you as our king; (this is the point I always choke up) and whether our tomorrows be filled with good or ill, we'll triumph through our sorrows and rise to bless you still: to marvel at your beauty and glory in your ways, and make a joyful duty our sacrifice of praise."

God bless.

If these topics interest you, you might find the following links helpful:

http://www.popepaulvi.com/

http://www.drhilgers.com/

And and in depth look at the role of infections in infertility/miscarriage by Dr. Attila Toth:
http://www.fertilitysolution.com/Fertile-vs-Infertile-Book.pdf?page_mode=OPEN

Inspiration

I was reading through the Catechism today and could feel the Holy Spirit nudging me as I read this:

"Our experiences of evil and suffering, injustice, and death, seem to contradict the Good News; they can shake our faith and become a temptation against it.

It is then we must run to the witnesses of faith: to Abraham, who 'in hope...believed against hope'; to the Virgin Mary, who, in 'her pilgrimage of faith,' walked into the 'night of faith' in sharing the darkness of her son's suffering and death; and to so many others: 'Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of our faith."   CCC 164-165

Good stuff, that Catechism.

 

Journal: January 24

Outside my window: grey and cold.  I hate winter.  Especially winter in January and February.

Clothing myself in: jeans, navy blue long sleeve shirt with turquoise camisole underneath.  It's pretty much my uniform: jeans, tank top, solid colored long sleeve shirt.

Around the house: Finally got all the Christmas stuff taken down last Friday (i think?)  Slowly but surely cleaning.  I made a "schedule" for myself for each month with cleaning goals - it seems to be a step in the right direction.  Life's been a little chaotic lately with sickness and family stuff, so things have had to slide a bit, but it's nice to have goals to work towards.  Finally replaced the water pad/filter in the whole house humidifier (just one of those things I never remember to pick up/look for) I can't believe how much more comfortable the house feels.

Ruby: Gosh she's growing.  There've been so many things in the past few weeks that I've wanted to blog about regarding her, but just haven't had the chance.  She is still into coloring (especially with her markers from Christmas) and cutting paper "candy" - tiny little pieces of colored paper (that she colors after she cuts out - like .25"x.5" pieces) and hanging them on doors (with 2 foot strings of tape - also a Christmas present.)  She's also moved from playing with babies mostly to stuffed animals mostly.  Her chimpanzee is named "Doo Doo"  her dog is named "Sam."  Another monkey is "Thomas" and a big red monkey is "Sir Handle."  She's wanted her hair "like a mama" lately - i.e. I wear my hair in a low ponytail pretty much every day and now that's how she wants her hair every day.  I'm honored and humbled by how much about me she notices.  She's really into whose turn it is to talk/not being interrupted.  For instance, Ira starts to say something as Ruby is finishing what she's saying, so she exclaims, "Ira, I was talking FIRST!"  Hopefully she will learn the ebb and flow of natural conversation soon - it's mildly annoying.  Still has the binkies - although they're like really cracked and beat up.  She says she's giving them to Mandy's baby when he/she is born - we'll see!  She's also been into who/what does and does not poop right now too.  Like, in the car, "does a tree poop?" "does a bird poop?.... why?"  and on, and on, and on.  Fascinating stuff I know...

Ira: Is in 2nd grade math right now.  Before Christmas break, his teacher called to ask if Andy and I would think about him moving up to 2nd grade math because the 1st grade stuff was just way too easy for him.  I was so impressed with her concern for Ira getting the best education and that she took the initiative to clear the logistics of it  (even as his school years continue.)  We decided that it would be good for him and sure enough, it is.  He's said a few times "Second grade math is a little harder than first grade math!" as he's doing his homework.  He was pretty thrilled that he didn't have any homework last week because the second graders were finishing first confession preparations and therefore weren't being given homework.  Score!  He's reading 5.1-5.5 level AR books.  Still loving non-fiction but also really into Magic Treehouse and Flat Stanley Worldwide Adventures as well.  We seem to have come to the other side of the "angrily resisting chores" thing - he's doing better with getting them done and accepting the consequence if he doesn't.  Although, the other night he did yell quite angrily, "Dare I say it, that's the most ridiculous rule I've ever heard!" (When I told him he could eat dinner when his toys were cleaned up.)  Now he's been trying to "engage" me in arguments with inflammatory statements like above, or "you're just a liar, that wasn't really five minutes."  It works best if I can keep calm and respond lovingly "I'm sure you feel that way" or "I love you too much to argue."  It takes a few times of saying it (and sometimes more than a few times), but when he realizes I'm not going to get involved in the power struggle, he comes to terms with whatever he's being asked to do.  Now if I can just consistently do my job and not get in my "I'm going to win this argument" mode.  Still enjoying piano lessons - we're about 15 pages from being done with the Level 1A book.  After our piano lesson yesterday, he was talking to me about something and then said, "you know, like when Father holds up the Eucharist and it turns into Jesus' body and there's that shiny light behind the host."  I was astounded.  Speechless.  What a gift he's been given!  I am so excited for him to receive the sacraments of reconciliation and communion next year!

In the kitchen: Easy Cheesy Chicken Bake, Quick Pasta Carbonara, Cavatini, and Cheese & Black Bean Enchiladas.  The theme for this week is: keepin' it simple.

Hobbies: working on a sewing project right now.  Not 100% thrilled with my design/execution, so I'll continue to tweak it before "going public."

Bringing me joy: Our impending visit to Pope Paul VI Institute.  Test results coming in abnormal (as funny as that sounds, it's a start and an indication that things are definitely not working like they're supposed to.)  My kids.  They've just been pretty good and easy to deal with lately.  Our new treadmill.  It is amazing!  We've put over a marathon's worth of miles on it already (in the less than two weeks we've had it.)  I've run in Hawaii, Rome, Japan, Texas, and New York already.  Don't know what I'm talking about?  See here.  Funny tangential story:  The night we got the treadmill, I decided to do this mountain run in Hawaii.  I ran some of it but walked a lot it because it was just really hard and then felt awful when I finished it.  I told Andy, "wow the incline thing really makes a difference!  That or I've gotten really out of shape in the last month, because I feel like I could barf."  I continued to feel horrible and when he got done running I said, "wasn't it awful" and he was like, "well, it didn't seem that bad, really."  So I thought, "man I am SO out of SHAPE.  I feel like CRAP!"  Well, I finally drug myself upstairs to bed and woke up about an hour later with the stomach flu.  And then proceeded to wake up every 60 minutes for the rest of the night.  Fun times, that stomach flu.

Thinking about: Family.

Pictures to share:

Ira ready for his first day of "Basketball Camp"  He got a shirt last week for being the best at "Chest Passes"  He was so proud!

Ruby's Sesame Street Manicure I gave her.  From left (thumb) to right: Telly, Grover, Elmo, Oscar, and Cookie Monster.

What can I say, I was bored...

Journal: Dec 4

Outside my window: sunny, 50s/low 60s.  We've had beautiful weather lately, just wishing it would rain for the farmers' sakes.  And wishing it would freeze for awhile so the bugs/spiders would go away.  This coming from the person who loathes winter.

Clothing myself in: Boots, skinny jeans, thermal t-shirt, brown short-sleeved sweater.

Around the house: Well, the house got cleaned in a whirlwind last Monday because I decided (that morning) to host around 20 people for a surprise birthday party for Andy.  We also decorated for Christmas this past weekend.  Ira was really excited about decorating this year (which was good, because I needed some motivation to actually do it.)  We don't do a ton of decorating, but what we do, I really love.

Ruby: Is still insisting that she is (or is going to be) a football player.  Everyone who comments on what a cute little girl she is gets the same response, "No, I'n a football player."  It cracks me up!  She is clinging to her binkies for now.  She loves having the Fisher Price Nativity scene out to play with.  She also loves the ornaments on the tree that make music - so far she's been good about being gentle with the tree/ornaments.  Has been copying her brother's attitude at times.  Replete with door slamming and yelling.  Oh joy!

Ira: Has had an attitude lately.  Last week was kind of a crazy week as far as after-school time went, which really seems to affect him negatively.  We tried to spend good, quality time with him this weekend, which helped some, but still he was doing this entitled/attitud-ey thing, so he had some consequences to face for that.  He really really needs the boundaries and consequences that a good routine provides, so we're trying to stick to it better this week.  Earned computer time for practicing piano ever day last week.

In the kitchen: Crockpot chili, Brown bag burritos, Homemade Chicken & Noodles, Tomato-Mushroom Soup with Grilled Cheese, and maybe Sweet & Sour pork.

Hobbies: I've been editing photos like crazy lately and am so pleased with how easy it has become now that I "know what I'm doing."  I just wish our computer was a little faster.  Maybe someday...

Bringing me joy: Hubby's 30th Birthday party was tons of fun.  Went to the zoo as a family this weekend and then went running at the park afterwards.  A new-found peace that God is asking us to wait for Him in a couple areas of our lives.  I am not usually good at being patient, but I am feeling a certain peace in waiting on God right now.   Started my complete hormone panel for Dr. Hilgers.  Curious to see what  all can be determined from it.

Thinking about: This article that a friend shared with me.  What a weird position it is to feel called to have a big family and physically not be able to (at least for now.)  Again though, I'm waiting on Him, and His plans for my life.

Pictures to share:

The big 30 year old!

I know it's blurry, but I LOVE the emotion is this picture!

Silly kiddos at the zoo!

  

Journal: November 25

Outside my window: Hmm... this isn't very exciting when one blogs from the basement with no windows at night.  The weather was nice today though, sunny and upper 40s to mid 50s I'd guess.

Clothing myself in: Black yoga pants, red long-sleeved running shirt, black NYC hoodie.

Around the house: Not much exciting, Ira was home on Thanksgiving Break all last week, so mainly I just tried to keep everyone alive and make sure that the kiddos picked up their toys each night.  I did rake the mountain of leaves off of the patio (the wind likes to leave them there for me) and put away some hoses outside.  That's something, right?

Ruby: Keeps talking about giving her binkies to the binky fairy.  It's not really a big deal either way to me when she gets rid of them, but it would be nice to not have to worry about always having one.  I told her maybe we'd try to leave them for the fairy tomorrow night.  I'll let you know how that goes...  She is doing really well with the whole "Quiet Time" thing in the afternoon.  More days than not she ends up asleep.  How long I let her stay asleep depends on how "well rested" she is.  She has also been asking to wear underwear to QT and to bed at night.  So far, we've just let her wear underwear at QT (her night-time diapers are still very wet most mornings) and she's done really well keeping them dry even while asleep.  Sigh.  My baby is growing up.  Cute Rubyism: We pray for a baby pretty much every night.  Well tonight when we were praying, Ruby told me that I could have one of her babies (dolls).  She can be such a sweetie!

Ira: Finally lost his top right tooth.  It had gotten to the point where he wouldn't even wiggle it because he was afraid it would just fall out.  On Thanksgiving day, he was chewing on a piece of candy corn when lo and behold he says, "my tooth is out!"  Pretty sweet way to loose a tooth!  He got to shoot a gun for the first time this weekend (under very close supervision, of course.)  I think he thought that was pretty cool.  He's progressing well in piano lessons (although we haven't been very diligent about doing a lesson every week.)  He's really motivated now though, because his Christmas Book is on the staff, and he has a few pages to go before he'll be playing comfortably across the staff.

In the kitchen: I'm really excited about the meals that I have planned for this week.  Tomorrow is Andy's birthday so we're making some special food to celebrate.  Gyros with Tzatziki and Greek salads; Monica's Mexican Chili; Chicken Palava with Rice; Pico de Tuna with some modifications (shredded carrots, rice, black beans, lime juice).  Mostly new recipes, which is always exciting!

Hobbies: Took some family pictures for my siblings and took our traditional big family picture on Thanksgiving.  I'm thrilled with how they turned out.  Made (with the kids) a present for my niece who turns 3 this week.

Bringing me joy: You know, sometimes in the midst of all this fertility/miscarriage/hormone-wackiness, it is very difficult for me to find joy.  The last couple of weeks whenever I get to this part of my journal, I've had to seriously grab for straws.  Some days, I just don't see much joy in my life at all.  And I know that sounds like a pessimistic and unappreciative attitude, but I am telling you, when I'm in that mental place, it just seems like everything goes wrong.  I am finding that exercising helps considerably, and I've also found that compartmentalizing the "going to PPVI Institute" hopes into a space where I don't let my mind wander often has helped as well.

That being said, this week was actually pretty good.  Things that brought me joy:  2 mile runs several times this week; Ruby wearing her big purple coat; playing Monopoly with Ira; praying with my nephew and niece, my kids sitting at "the big kid" table for Thanksgiving dinner, talking with my siblings and parents over a wonderful meal, a raise, going on a family date, talking politics with my hubby's family, playing peek-a-boo with an adorable 10 month old.

Thinking about: Celebrating my hubby's birthday tomorrow - he'll be 30!  Eeek!  That sounds so OLD when I type it!  Being kind even when I know my hormones want me to be grouchy and mean.

Pictures to share:

Look at that gap-toothed smile!  He's getting so big!

Ruby (in the YMCA jersey I mentioned last week) driving her baby around the house.

Sure do love these people!

Just what the doctor ordered...

Yesterday was just one of those days.  After blogging about it, things didn't improve much, but we all made it through the day alive(ish).

Today, I got just what the doctor ordered.  More specifically, I got my lab orders from Dr. Hilgers at Pope Paul VI Institute!  Each little step on this journey is so encouraging.  So what my sad heart needs right now.  I think I may try to blog about our journey - the process, my feelings/emotions/reflections.

I am thoroughly impressed already with the compassion and care I have received from PPVI - and I haven't even been there yet!  Each contact, be it by phone, e-mail, or letter has been so highly respectful, encouraging, and compassionate about our situation.  In the mail today with my lab orders was a letter that I'd like to excerpt from here, just so you can see what I'm talking about.

"Due to an ever-increasing request for services, we regret that we cannot call you as quickly as we would like to; nor can we schedule your surgery as quickly as we would like to...  Know that we are doing everything we can to expedite your visit."

Knowing that this waiting period is difficult, we are enclosing a complimentary copy of Women Healed, a compilation of stories written by our patients.  We hope you will enjoy this book.  We will call you as soon as we can."

Wow. Just wow.  This is the kind of doctor I want to call my own!

I will probably devour the book today.  Goodbye, to-do list; hello, just-what-my-very-soul-needed reading!!

Just listen to an excerpt from the Introduction, written by Dr. Hilgers' former personal administrator:

"...With Gratitude [to] Dr. Thomas Hilgers, Pope Paul VI Institute director who generously shared his time and expertise in contributing to this book and whose visionary and pioneering efforts in women's reproductive health have, with God's help, led to the healings these women write about...

The idea for this book came from Pope Paul VI Institute nurses reading over the many patients' notes of appreciation sent to them and Dr. Hilgers over the years.  Their words have had a deep impact and have been saved and treasured...

As I shared these stories with Dr. Hilgers, he told me the deep gratitude of these women for his research, clinical and educational work was overwhelming and a bit embarrassing.  He was concerned that this book would be viewed as some type of self-promotion, but that is not the goal at all.  He asked me to edit out the praise, and I did to some extent but it was such an integral part of each story that to eliminate it would distort each woman's own story.

...I hope that the words of these contributors will provide answers as well as hope."

Wow. They just get it. all. Praise the Lord!

Thanks again for your prayers.  We truly feel them working in our lives and are so grateful for the love and support we have received.  Blessings!  I'm off to read...

What I Loved About Last Week 16th Ed.

Did you know this is my 200th post?!  Not bad for 4.5 3.5 years I guess...

Here's what I loved about July 2-8:

1. Made some zucchini bread.  That is a great way to use up a lot of zucchini (especially if you're gifting friends with the loaves.)  Does anyone have a healthy zucchini bread/muffin recipe that you'd be willing to share.  The recipe I have is delicious, but it calls for a CUP of oil.  I subbed a cup of unsweetened applesauce this time, but I wasn't super pleased with the results.  

2. 4th of July.  I have always held this date dear to my heart because it was always a big day for my family when I was growing up.  This year was especially poignant as it was the day we were due with our baby that we lost in November.  I hadn't given it a ton of thought during the day, and didn't say anything to anyone about it, but my sweet, loving daddy gave me a big hug at the end of the day and said that he'd been thinking about me all day.  It meant the world to me and still brings tears to my eyes that he remembered.  Although my arms are empty and my heart breaks, I am trying let my heart rest in God's plan for my life.  I heard this song this week and it took on a new meaning for me.

3. Independence Day Celebrations.  There are lots of traditions surrounding the 4th of July in my family.  Painting patriotic finger/toenails, parades, ice cream cones, cookouts, fireworks... And this 4th of July was no different.  We had a wonderful day!  I got to see all 3 of my best friends (although I didn't get a picture with Jolene), we spent time with my family and some more great friends, we played games, we shot firecrackers and lit dozens of smoke bombs, ate lots of ice cream cones, got candy at a parade, seriously, I couldn't have asked for a better day.  We had oh so much fun!

Ira doing a little dancing before the parade started.

Me and best friend from college, Brianna

Me and my best friend from high school, Laura

Ice cream face

4. Watched (finally) Toy Story 3 with Ira.  Ira absolutely loves the first 2 Toy Stories, but when Andy and I "pre-viewed" the 3rd one, we were worried that it might be a little too dramatic for him (when he got it a year or so ago.)  We finally decided to watch it with him one day while Ruby was taking her nap.  Wow.  He loved it, and it was so surreal to watch it with him.  I won't ruin any of the movie for those who still haven't seen it, but it's about the main character, Andy, growing up and going off to college.  I was literally bawling at the end (just like I did the first time we watched it, but probably even more so because I was watching it with my little boy.)  

5. Chronicles of Narnia.  I decided to start reading these aloud to Ira.  We started with "The Magician's Nephew" and I can't decide who is more into them, Ira, or me.  We've been reading a chapter or two a day and are on the 10th chapter right now.  It's been about 4 years since I read these, so I'm looking forward to reading them all again and sharing them with Ira in the process.

6. Charlie.  We finally (after about 8 months) brought our Charlie Brown (our chocolate lab) home.  8 months ago, he was digging/jumping out of his cage all. the. time. One of our kind neighbors (the one who died of a heart attack last December) brought him home more times than I know and I bailed him out of the pound once.  Not knowing what exactly to do, we took him to Andy's parent's house (the farm) until we could figure out a way to secure his kennel.   Andy had been saving leftover rebar from his jobsites and cutting them into 16-18" pieces to hammer in around the cage so that even if Charlie dug, he couldn't get out.  But we were still concerned about him staying in his small (10x10ft) kennel.  We priced fencing our yard with chain link, but it was ri.diculous.  Finally, Andy's parent's had the idea to buy more panels for his kennel.  It's more than double it's original size now and we are thrilled to have him back home.  Andy's parents nearly cried when we brought him home because he is such a good dog.  Ira and Charlie have become very good friends and play together every morning now after we feed him and fill up his water bowl and swimming pool (he's so spoiled.)  

Well, I think that about sums it up!  Have a great rest of the week!

What I Loved About Last Week 14th Ed.

Here's what I loved about June 18-24:

1. Swimming Lessons: Ira is taking swimming lessons for 2 weeks.  I don't love the time, as it's kinda smack in the middle of the morning, but I do love the skills he's learning.  It's so amazing to see him grow and develop as a swimmer.  (He's going to pass his mama before long!  Although I'm plenty comfortable in the water, I never took lessons past level 2 or 3 - so I never learned any strokes or anything.  I can tread water and do a mean dog paddle though!)  Ruby has lots of fun playing in the baby pool while Ira has "blessins" each day too.

Wearing the swimsuit that I wore when I was her age.

Ira jumping in at 5 foot.

2. You probably didn't notice in that photo of Ruby in the baby pool that she didn't have a swim diaper on.  That is because little Miss Ruby potty trained herself last week.  I can take absolutely no credit because it wasn't even really on my radar for her.  On Saturday the 16th, while at our nephew's swimming party, she said she needed to go potty (which she's said before, but never does.)  Regardless, I took her inside and sure enough, she went potty on the toilet.  On Sunday, during dinner, she again said she needed to go potty.  So I took her and again she went.  So Monday morning, I asked her if she wanted to wear underpants.  She answered with an enthusiastic YES! and has been wearing them ever since (except for naps and night time.)  I didn't want to "jinx" it last week, but since it's been over a week now, I think we really are done with diapers!  She's stayed dry at naps since last Monday and has even woken up a couple times during the night to go potty.  Absolutely blows my mind!  I am so thrilled!

Riding the Plasma car with her cousin on a nice evening last week.

3. Weeded the garden.  It looks so nice now and I am so impressed with how easy it is to pull weeds.  We are also very impressed with the results.  We have about half of the potatoes dug and have been pulling beets as well.  The lettuce is on it's way out with the heat, but we picked 2 cucumbers on Saturday, so I'm sure they'll be in full swing soon.  We also started picking jalapenos and green peppers this week - hooray!!  There are lots of green tomatoes on the vines right now, I'm sure they'll be ripening up over the couple weeks.  Let's see, what else?  The green beans are tiny, but coming soon I'm sure, as are the watermelons.  I LOVE the garden, that's for sure!

4. Beds.  With the addition of bunk beds, we needed to do the "bed shuffle" at our house.  So last week, here's how it went down: queen bed moved downstairs and set up in the "spare bedroom", crib moved downstairs and set up in the "spare bedroom", twin bed taken down in spare room and moved box spring to the storage room.  Mind you, I did all this while Andy was at work.  He never seems that surprised though when he gets home and the furniture isn't where it used to be.  Does anyone else hate bed frames as much as I do?  Good lord I can't stand those dumb metal things.  They are such a pain to get set up just right and then they fall apart after you get the bed on them, and then you pinch your finger trying to get them back together... maybe it's just me?

5. Pictures framed and up.  I had prints made of the Old Time photos we had taken in Galveston and hung them up in a collage in our living room.  I also had updated photos printed for our dining room wall photo collage.  It was a project that was long overdue and I'm thrilled to be done with it.

This one's for you, Karen.  You asked to see a picture of this grouping like a bajillion years ago.

6. Rubyisms: "I need a dam-baid" (bandaid).  And in response to one of the lines in the Litany for Liberty (join us in prayer!!)- "Give us your flowers."

7. Family Reunion.  We hosted my dad's side of the family who live nearby, but who we never manage to see throughout the year, at our house on Saturday for a reunion.  It was wonderful to see everyone and amazing to see how much the kids had grown/matured/changed since last year.  We had to play our traditional game of "Annie, Annie Over" which was lots of fun.  It seems as though there is always a twist in the game (like the year a plastic yard duck got thrown over my Grandma's house.)  This year, our team sent two balls around the block in a car to get "points."  Never a dull moment 'round here.

Waiting for another ball to come over the roof.

Look here comes another one!

8. Devil pepper.  Picked this pepper Sunday night and just thought it was too funny not to share.

Look at the horns on that thing!

What I Loved About Last Week 6th Edition

Lots of things to love about last week (April 23rd-29th)!

1. Ruby. doing. puzzles.  65 piece puzzle.  Perhaps 2 pieces? connected together that actually go together.  So funny!

2. Ira's Baptism Anniversary.  We celebrated with cookies and one of his favorite meals (fried chicken with mashed potatoes) as well as a Renewal of Baptismal Promises.  It was the first year he seemed to really understand what was going on with the renewal and that was cool!

3. Spring Music Program.  Ira's school held their second concert of the year.  His class sang 5 great songs.  One of which I cannot get out of my head! ("Never Polka with a Porcupine.")  The whole concert was very well done.  I am so impressed with the way that their music teach has them singing (enunciating, breathing, holding notes, and dancing.)  It was a very enjoyable program.

4. Cleaning.  Got my car washed/vacuumed, cleaned our disgustingly dusty/sheetrock-muddy oscillating fans, and cleaned out closets and cabinets throughout the house.  Not fun tasks, but definitely feels good to have them done!

5. Confession.  Needed it.  Did it.  Got grace.  'Nuff said!

6. Date night!  Sweet Andy surprised me with a much needed date night on Friday night.  We ate dinner at our favorite Thai restaurant that we hadn't been to in probably 5 years, then went out for ice cream and coffee after that.  It was so nice to spend some time together away from the crazies kids.

7. Visitors.  Ira got to meet with a very special lady on Saturday who sends him postcards from all over the world.  It was wonderful to get to meet her and have her meet Ira.  She is traveling to Hungary/Austria/Slovakia in July and we are excited to see the postcards and stamps from those countries!

8. Garden.  We FINISHED the 6th and 7th beds.  All told, we moved between 35-42 tons of dirt by shovel over the course of 3 weekends.  I. am. SO. DONE! with that!  

9. Professional Pictures.  We got 2 and 6 year pictures of the kiddos taken as well as family pictures.  Although I've had better experiences, I think Portrait Innovations still did a great job on the photos.

Look at that Farmer's Tan!!!

9. Sleeping kiddos.  The circus that is "going to bed in the same bed at the same time" is mildly improving.  They both slept in the big bed all night twice this week.  We have a "zero-tolerance" policy on Ruby getting out of bed/goofing off too much.  That's really seemed to help her understand the boundaries and to be successful twice!  Hooray!

10. Shout out.  A  dear friend of mine started doing her own "What I Loved" posts.  I always enjoy her perspective on things.  Can't wait to see more posts from this beautiful woman!

Have a GREAT week!

What I Loved About Last Week 5th Edition

Here's what I loved about last week (4/16-4/22):

1. Paying off Andy's student loans!!!  Quite some time ago (probably close to two years ago) I mentioned on the blog that we were putting away our extra money each month to pay off our student loans.  When Andy got furloughed, we decided to just keep the money in the bank in case we needed it.  We never did have to dip into it and last week were able to pay off his student loans.  HOORAY!!!!  It feels so good to have that debt off of our backs!  Next up in the debt snowball:  my student loans, followed by our house!  Then we'll be debt FREE!!!!!

2. Ruby galloping.  So often throughout the day Ruby gallops instead of walks.  It is the cutest little thing.  A video would probably be more convincing, but for now, you'll have to take my word.

3. Butterflies on our Salvia.  Talk about the glory of God's creation.

4. Rummage Sale finds.  Twice each year, several of the "supermoms" in our parish host a Rummage Sale to benefit the missions.  They collect items on Monday then have a sale on Tuesday and Wednesday where everything is 10 cents.  I was able to find a pair of uniform pants for Ira and two school sweatshirts in the next two sizes up for him.  I also got an adorable dress and 3 pairs of tights for Ruby as well as some sewing notions, some Little Golden Books, and some kitchen utensils.  I think I spent $2.10.  Seriously?!  Does it get any better than that?

5. Rubyisms.  Ruby has been delighting us lately with all her little sayings, so I thought I'd share them with you.  She calls granola bars "monkey bars."  Her sandals are "shoe schlops."   Dump it is "bonk it."  Band-aids are "ban baids."  An umbrella is a "bunumbola."  When you ask her where something is she says, "I don't knoooooow.... I lose it again?"  And she calls the little pocket in the door of the car "the bathtub."  Ruby - where's you're binky? "In the bathtub."  She's such a goose!

6. The new Muppets Movie.  Ira received "The Muppets" for Easter from Andy's parents, but we wanted to pre-view it before we let him watch it.  It truly is a wonderful, wonderful movie.  We laughed a LOT, I cried, and we even re-watched several scenes after the movie was over that were just too funny not to rewatch.  It's definitely a movie we would let Ira watch.  There were just two things that I thought they could have left out: they said the word "butt" once and "idiot" once or twice.  We'll probably watch it with Ira to make sure that we can voice our disapproval over those words, but overall, wow, AWESOME movie!

7. Ruby helping Andy make biscuits.  It's their little thing together and it is so darn precious to witness!


8. We got the 5th bed for our garden done on Saturday.  I tell you what, that double-digging is some arm/leg/neck/feet/back-breaking work!  We still have two more left to do and I can't wait until they're done!

9. We also got quite a bit else done in the garden on Saturday: finishing up the fence for the peas, putting up fence for the blackberry bushes, and planting: green onions, beets, marigolds, cilantro, chives, oregano, and nasturtium.  The kids were dolls and played outside all day.  It just makes my heart swell to hear them playing together.  After wondering for so long if we would ever be able to give Ira a sibling it just feels like I'm living a dream to hear them playing and laughing uproariously together (because they were throwing sand at each other...still...)

10. Cardinal friends.  We have a very friendly male cardinal in our yard who supervises us gardening.  He'll seriously come within 5-10 feet of us and doesn't dart away when/if we move from what we're doing.  Andy was able to capture a picture of him and his lady friend on the bird feeder just a few feet from our house.

I think that about covers last week!  Also, if I could ask for prayers, Andy and I are trying to get pregnant again, which as you can imagine, is kind of a bittersweet situation to be in.  If you would, pray that we are able to embrace whatever God's will is for our family.  Obviously, I hope that means more babies, but there's that whole "Thy will be done" thing that I try to submit myself to too.

What I Loved About Last Week 4th Edition

Here's what I loved about last week (4/9- 4/15)
1. Weeding the garden.  That's not something I would typically love, but with the wide raised beds that we have now, and the walkways to stand on, it is very, VERY easy to hoe all 4 beds in a matter of 15-20 minutes.  I even hand weeded around the lettuce.  Weeds/grass just come out so easily because the dirt isn't compacted from being walked on.  So yes, I actually enjoyed it!

2. Moving the big bed into the kids' room.  Andy and I are trying to get Ruby into a big bed, but we only have one bedroom (besides ours) in our house right now.  So with some gut-sucking effort, I (by myself) moved Ira's twin mattress, box spring, bed frame, and headboard downstairs and moved the Queen mattress, box spring, and bed frame from the basement to the kids' room.  I set it up in their room like a "kid's King bed" (i.e. tucked the sheets in at the long side, not the foot, like you traditionally would.)  It's nice to have room for 3 (or even all 4) of us to be able to snuggle in and read books at night.  Ruby has done fairly well taking naps in it (she's definitely not the "the floor is lava" type like Ira was, but she does stay in the room - just not always in the bed.)  Night time.  Well, that's not something I love.  It's like a freakin' circus in there with 2 of them in the same bed.  They bounce and squeak the mattress, get out of bed, come out of the room, jump on the bed, and Ruby even BIT Ira last night!! (Where they're getting all this I do NOT know as they NEVER act like that any other time.)  So we're still trying to figure out what to do at night.  Ruby has ended up in her crib both nights we've tried because Ira does has school in the morning and we don't want him to be too tired.  The Queen bed is temporary anyway until we can find a twin over full bunk bed that has enough headroom on the bottom bunk that when Andy/I sit down we don't hit our heads on the top bunk.  (Really, is that asking too much?!)

3. The Easter Bunny brought me some amazing Easter Lilies (cut, not potted) and they have lasted beautifully.  Plus their smell is just out of this world.  I don't think I've ever smelled an Easter Lily before, but wow, they are just SO aromatic and delicious smelling!

4. At Mass one day last week Ruby wanted swaddled in her blanket (seriously, I know, she's crazy) As I was holding her, she arched her head back and it was like total deja-vu of all the times I saw her on sonogram when I was pregnant with her.  She still has the exact same face/cheeks/chin/head shape as she did in utero.  I was certainly waxing nostalgic.

5. The irises and some other beautiful green, leafy thing that I have no idea what it's called are blooming.  I added some of them to my Easter Lilies and have a beautifully full bouquet on the table.  Really though, any ideas on the greenery/hangy flower stuff to the left?

6. The soften button on our microwave.  It's the little things really.  But it has come in so handy lately to soften but not melt or even heat up frozen shredded cheese, frozen yogurt starter, and ice cream.  Seriously, it is really cool.

7. With the weather predicted to be scary on Saturday, I decided that if our garden was going to get hailed out/blown away, we were at least going to enjoy something out of it.  So we picked a surprisingly big bowl of lettuce to go with our homemade pizza on Friday night.  There's just nothing like lettuce fresh from the garden.  It was DELICIOUS!

8. Making yogurt in the cooler.  I always use the heating pad method, but that's kind of a pain because our stinkin' heating pad automatically shuts off after 2 hours. Yogurt has to "fester" for 8 hours or more, so I'm constantly setting timers and unplugging then plugging back in the heating pad.  My mom sent some directions for making it in the cooler awhile back and I finally decided to try it.  It worked wonderfully.  It's still not very thick, but it does seem less tart/tangy than the heating pad stuff.  The kids (and Andy and I some too) have already gobbled up 3 Quarts of it - totally UNSWEETENED!!!  We just put some homemade granola on top and my is it tasty.  (They never ate the heating pad stuff unsweetened.)

9.  Surviving.  By the grace of God we were spared from an EF-3 Tornado heading straight toward us on Saturday night.  Seriously, it miraculously stopped less than 2 miles from our house.  It was horrifying to actually be taking shelter from a very imminent and real (and large (1/2 - 1 mile wide) tornado.  Andy's brother and his 2 children joined us in our 10-15 sq. ft. under-the-stairs closet.  There were 7 of us in there along with all the stuff that we had put down there during the day in case we really did get hit: (a duffle bag with jeans, shirts, socks, underwear, and tennis shoes for all of us; 5 of Ruby's diapers, a cover, wipes, and wetbag; my NFP charts and my medicines; a box of my contacts and my glasses; our external hard drive; peanut butter crackers, granola bars; a gallon of water; our wallets, cell phones, and keys; all the camcorder tapes we've taken; our DSLR camera and charger; flashlights; a battery powered radio; 4 heavy pilllows from our bed, a DeWalt sawz-all with 3 spare batteries; and a hatchet - just in case you're curious.)  It was surreal to be sitting in our storm shelter wondering not if, but when we would get hit, what it would sound like, and how bad it would be.  We heard them say on the radio, "Town X, you are in a Tornado Emergency.  If you are in Town X, you need to get underground or you will not survive."  We heard lots of loud booms (thunder apparently) then it was silent for a long time.  Ira nearly passed out/puked (because of the total lack of oxygen) but we escaped unscathed (both ourselves and our property.)  A number of homesteads outside of town took direct hits, so please keep those families in your prayers.  No injuries, but there are a number of total property losses.  I can't even fathom if it had been us.  Andy said our guardian angels must have been standing outside of town slashing the tornadoes apart.  And I tell you what, the "Angel of God" prayer had never been more meaningful than praying it that night with the kids when we put them to bed (before we went to the basement.)

 "Angel of God, my guardian dear, to whom God's love entrusts me here.  

Ever this night be at my side: to light, to guard, to rule, and to guide.

Amen."