Right now I'm feeling it. That feeling of inferiority. Behind. The weight of the to-do list in my head - crushing. Like "I never get anything done around here." Trapped in our toy-infested, never totally clean, always laundry to do house. Slacker. Lazy. Like I'm always doing too much at once and not enough all at the same time. Like "please (Ruby) don't ask me if you can help with whatever I'm trying to do in the kitchen one more time. And please don't ask to use glue one more time. In fact, if you could just leave me to wallow in my thoughts, that'd be great m-kay?" And at the same time feeling that childhood is so fleeting and I never "do anything" with my kids. Some mother I am. And yet I pray earnestly multiple times a day to be blessed with more children. Contradiction. Like I just want to take a nap. But that if I do I'll just feel worse and more behind. Like "crap I was supposed to make yogurt, do laundry, and make pear (instead of apple) sauce today and as of noon I haven't even started any of them." Like crying but the tears won't come because as with every thing else, I'm just not putting forth the effort.
I hate it when I feel like this. Blurgh.
3 comments:
I don't really have any advice, just: I'm with you, Mama. I hope you find that one thing today that helps you get even a little relief.
I'm right there with you!
And adding Thanksgiving and birthday and Advent stress on top of what is clearly enough already.
I'm sorry you had a Jonah day. Funny how, as a mother, the years of childhood go by so quickly, yet the days can be so. darn. long. Don't feel alone. These days come to the best of moms. Truly they do. Love, prayers, Jolene
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