Reflecting... introspecting... self-evaluating... Such an important facet of parenting. Such a constant in the life of a parent. Something that I don't think our children understand. Certainly not now... hopefully when (if) God blesses them with children of their own some day. Then they will hopefully understand how much thought and worry and concern, and reflection went into their upbringing.
Last post, I blogged about putting Ira down for quiet time without lunch. The whole time he was in quiet time, I was wondering if it was the right thing to do. Even though we'd discussed doing it, it was much harder to carry out live and in person. When I went to get Ira up, he tearfully told me he was hungry... and we talked about why he was hungry. He did realize that he was in "trouble" for throwing a fit... so that's good - he too did some reflecting apparently. His fit throwing has improved some, but I'm not sure that that's a strategy that I want to use again for awhile. I don't know that it was the wrong thing to do, I just don't know that it was exactly what he needed at the age/stage that he's at.
That night at dinnertime, he started to throw a fit again. But this time, Andy and I both talked to him about his fit throwing. About how when he throws fits, he's not really communicating very clearly. We talked about how it wasn't really that he didn't want to eat dinner (he said, "No mom, I really am hungry.") We talked about how really, he was just frustrated that he had to stop playing his drums to come to dinner. We practiced what he could say to accurately convey his feelings next time. "Aw MAN! I don't want to stop playing my drums!!" About what he could do: ask calmly, "Dad, would it be alright if I come to dinner after I finish this song?" And we talked about how sometimes we would probably say that that was alright, and sometimes, we might say it's not. He seemed to appreciate us taking the time to talk to him about his feelings. It just felt right. Much more appropriate for his age/level of understanding.
Since then, he's used the strategy we talked about once. And the fits are getting a little better. We also are giving him more advance warning and more frequent reminders before mealtime. That seems to be helping a lot! (Thanks Monica!) It is hard for me to take parenting advice. It humbles me. And that's a good thing.
Parenting is a journey. One that is FILLED with decisions. I am so grateful to have a patient, understanding husband to share the journey with. Grateful that God made kids resilient. Grateful for reflection.
Right now my house is: lived in... It's almost 11 o'clock and the dishes aren't loaded in the dishwasher, there's a bowling alley in the walkway that runs from where I sit to the back door, a bouncy seat on the bar, a carseat on the table and shoes... oh shoes! (Not on the table of course! well, at least not that I can see...) The babes are asleep, the hubby is tinkering in the garage. And yet, right now, I actually don't care. My house may be a mess, but it's a blessed mess!
Right now I'm: wondering if my rambling about reflections made sense to anyone but me. I just can't seem to word it right. It's what happens to me when I try to write deeply. I get all bumble-brained and fumble-fingered.
7 comments:
I liked this post a lot. I hear ya. And thanx for the shout-out, just sharing what I've learned from my own experience (after many "flops" of my own).
And I'm tellin' you sis, go with that intuition. You. Go. Girl. If there is one thing I've learned from my two-ish short years of parenting thus far, it is the importance of parenting intuitively. What works for one kid will probably not work for another. What works for one kid on Monday may very well not work for that same kid on Thursday. SO much depends on personality (of the child and parent), mood, time of day, whether you're home or out, whether your kid is hungry or satisfied, sleepy or well-rested, etc. etc. Develop and fine tune that intuition as you grow as a parent, and then trust it. It won't lead you astray.
God bless, I love you, I'm proud of you, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TOO!!!!
I think you made sense, Michelle, but I'm just a bumble brained rookie parent myself. You're so right they don't realize all the thought that goes into our reaction (sometimes). And all the prayer on their behalf (and ours)!
Awhile ago, Erin Marney blogged about a book that talks about what you're mentioning here .... helping kids to verbalize feelings, to put names to them. I can't seem to find her post, though!
I hear being a mom is the most difficult job in the world ... keep at it so I can learn and have an easy pie ride when it's our turn. ;)~
Oops, it won't let me delete that last comment, but I clicked the wrong link on Amazon and put the wrong one. This is actually the right link to the book Karen referenced. It's on my list of future reads.
http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/0380811960/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1274038085&sr=1-1
I saw this post this morning and I would love to respond, but I think it might be long-winded, so i think I will just make it a blog post on my blog- hopefully sometime today! Be encouraged- we are all mothering in the trenches together :)
Here it is: http://onebreathatatime.blogspot.com/2008/06/expanding-on-yesterdays-post.html
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