Epic Strawberry Jam

“Free strawberries!” the blog of a friend did insist,

“Take all that you want, please, they will not be missed!”

Cheapskate that I am, I thought, “This’ll be great!”

So I called, we decided Thursday’d be the date.

Thursday dawned humid and hot (so you know)

And I showed up with both of my kiddos in tow.

Boots, stockings, and jeans was the dress code to pick,

So as hopefully not to acquire a tick.

I started the picking of strawberries sweet,

But my babe wanted nothing to do with the heat.

She fussed and she cried ‘til I finally relented,

And left with fewer strawberries than I had intended.

“Oh well,” thought I, “such is life with a baby!”

“Now what should I make? Hmm, Jam?” I thought, maybe.

I thought I would can it, “How hard could that be?”

“Well,” mused my husband, “I guess we shall see.”

The recipe I found was read and re-read,

‘Til the process of canning was stuck in my head.

I started the process prepared, no doubt,

With all of my stuff on the counters laid out.

The boiling began, and the burning did too,

Of my arms and my legs as the mixture did spew.

Strawberry fire flew everywhere.

Believe me, it even got stuck in my hair!

And just when I thought that the mess couldn’t worsen,

Seven cups of sugar through wax paper went burstin’

All over the counter, stove, me, and the floor.

At this point I should have just run out the door!

But run I did not, I re-measured the sugar,

“I will not be conquered by this stinking booger!”

I added the sugar and thank God it did not

Send any more mixture from out of the pot.

As I ladled the jam in the jars (it was STICKY!)

I noticed my feet and my floor were quite icky.

But canning’s not something you stop in the middle

So I walked through the sugar (just maybe a little…)

Using mom-in-law’s pot with a pasta insert,

I put in my jam jars, ever alert.

I added more water, it was just right I thought,

One small prob, it was gushing right out of the pot.

So I reached for the biggest stock pot that I own,

"Screw the rack that the jars are supposed to sit on!"

“Move the jars, switch the water,” I quickly reflected.

Then I poured and one lid all the water deflected.

All over the counter, stove, me, and the floor

Went the water, now mixed with the mess from before.

"Just keep going," I thought, finish up the process

And then you can clean up this huge, epic mess.

The jars started boiling just as I had planned.

In five minutes, I had all the stinkin’ stuff canned.

Surprisingly, all of the jars did seal,

Six half-pints of jam – one HECK of a DEAL!