Journal: January 24

Outside my window: grey and cold.  I hate winter.  Especially winter in January and February.

Clothing myself in: jeans, navy blue long sleeve shirt with turquoise camisole underneath.  It's pretty much my uniform: jeans, tank top, solid colored long sleeve shirt.

Around the house: Finally got all the Christmas stuff taken down last Friday (i think?)  Slowly but surely cleaning.  I made a "schedule" for myself for each month with cleaning goals - it seems to be a step in the right direction.  Life's been a little chaotic lately with sickness and family stuff, so things have had to slide a bit, but it's nice to have goals to work towards.  Finally replaced the water pad/filter in the whole house humidifier (just one of those things I never remember to pick up/look for) I can't believe how much more comfortable the house feels.

Ruby: Gosh she's growing.  There've been so many things in the past few weeks that I've wanted to blog about regarding her, but just haven't had the chance.  She is still into coloring (especially with her markers from Christmas) and cutting paper "candy" - tiny little pieces of colored paper (that she colors after she cuts out - like .25"x.5" pieces) and hanging them on doors (with 2 foot strings of tape - also a Christmas present.)  She's also moved from playing with babies mostly to stuffed animals mostly.  Her chimpanzee is named "Doo Doo"  her dog is named "Sam."  Another monkey is "Thomas" and a big red monkey is "Sir Handle."  She's wanted her hair "like a mama" lately - i.e. I wear my hair in a low ponytail pretty much every day and now that's how she wants her hair every day.  I'm honored and humbled by how much about me she notices.  She's really into whose turn it is to talk/not being interrupted.  For instance, Ira starts to say something as Ruby is finishing what she's saying, so she exclaims, "Ira, I was talking FIRST!"  Hopefully she will learn the ebb and flow of natural conversation soon - it's mildly annoying.  Still has the binkies - although they're like really cracked and beat up.  She says she's giving them to Mandy's baby when he/she is born - we'll see!  She's also been into who/what does and does not poop right now too.  Like, in the car, "does a tree poop?" "does a bird poop?.... why?"  and on, and on, and on.  Fascinating stuff I know...

Ira: Is in 2nd grade math right now.  Before Christmas break, his teacher called to ask if Andy and I would think about him moving up to 2nd grade math because the 1st grade stuff was just way too easy for him.  I was so impressed with her concern for Ira getting the best education and that she took the initiative to clear the logistics of it  (even as his school years continue.)  We decided that it would be good for him and sure enough, it is.  He's said a few times "Second grade math is a little harder than first grade math!" as he's doing his homework.  He was pretty thrilled that he didn't have any homework last week because the second graders were finishing first confession preparations and therefore weren't being given homework.  Score!  He's reading 5.1-5.5 level AR books.  Still loving non-fiction but also really into Magic Treehouse and Flat Stanley Worldwide Adventures as well.  We seem to have come to the other side of the "angrily resisting chores" thing - he's doing better with getting them done and accepting the consequence if he doesn't.  Although, the other night he did yell quite angrily, "Dare I say it, that's the most ridiculous rule I've ever heard!" (When I told him he could eat dinner when his toys were cleaned up.)  Now he's been trying to "engage" me in arguments with inflammatory statements like above, or "you're just a liar, that wasn't really five minutes."  It works best if I can keep calm and respond lovingly "I'm sure you feel that way" or "I love you too much to argue."  It takes a few times of saying it (and sometimes more than a few times), but when he realizes I'm not going to get involved in the power struggle, he comes to terms with whatever he's being asked to do.  Now if I can just consistently do my job and not get in my "I'm going to win this argument" mode.  Still enjoying piano lessons - we're about 15 pages from being done with the Level 1A book.  After our piano lesson yesterday, he was talking to me about something and then said, "you know, like when Father holds up the Eucharist and it turns into Jesus' body and there's that shiny light behind the host."  I was astounded.  Speechless.  What a gift he's been given!  I am so excited for him to receive the sacraments of reconciliation and communion next year!

In the kitchen: Easy Cheesy Chicken Bake, Quick Pasta Carbonara, Cavatini, and Cheese & Black Bean Enchiladas.  The theme for this week is: keepin' it simple.

Hobbies: working on a sewing project right now.  Not 100% thrilled with my design/execution, so I'll continue to tweak it before "going public."

Bringing me joy: Our impending visit to Pope Paul VI Institute.  Test results coming in abnormal (as funny as that sounds, it's a start and an indication that things are definitely not working like they're supposed to.)  My kids.  They've just been pretty good and easy to deal with lately.  Our new treadmill.  It is amazing!  We've put over a marathon's worth of miles on it already (in the less than two weeks we've had it.)  I've run in Hawaii, Rome, Japan, Texas, and New York already.  Don't know what I'm talking about?  See here.  Funny tangential story:  The night we got the treadmill, I decided to do this mountain run in Hawaii.  I ran some of it but walked a lot it because it was just really hard and then felt awful when I finished it.  I told Andy, "wow the incline thing really makes a difference!  That or I've gotten really out of shape in the last month, because I feel like I could barf."  I continued to feel horrible and when he got done running I said, "wasn't it awful" and he was like, "well, it didn't seem that bad, really."  So I thought, "man I am SO out of SHAPE.  I feel like CRAP!"  Well, I finally drug myself upstairs to bed and woke up about an hour later with the stomach flu.  And then proceeded to wake up every 60 minutes for the rest of the night.  Fun times, that stomach flu.

Thinking about: Family.

Pictures to share:

Ira ready for his first day of "Basketball Camp"  He got a shirt last week for being the best at "Chest Passes"  He was so proud!

Ruby's Sesame Street Manicure I gave her.  From left (thumb) to right: Telly, Grover, Elmo, Oscar, and Cookie Monster.

What can I say, I was bored...

Vocation

I was reading something recently, and a quote really struck me.  I want to record it for my kids' sake, so that as we continue to talk about vocations, I will remember these words:

"Our deepest desires move us to action, to make choices.  In a sense, that is what vocation is really about, following that God-given pull or learning that which seems to come from deep within.  It isn't always clear what might be asked of you, but if you keep listening, seeking, trusting that God is at work in it all, the direction will become clearer.

God doesn't play games with us.  Even though a few lightning strikes might get your attention, the fact of the matter is that God seems to work most often through the ordinary.  I encourage you to trust that God's desire for you is being revealed in the people and events of your life.  Don't miss the simple ways God works because you expect something more profound."

-Catherine Bertrand, S.S.N.D

As a teenager, I remember struggling with "hearing the call" to my vocation, and I think part of it was precisely because I was waiting for the call.  I wasn't trusting the "longings of my heart" to be what God was calling me to.  I wasn't cognizant of the fact that it was precisely God who placed those longings deep within my very being.

I want to be able to help my children discern their vocations as best I can, & I hope someday these words will help them discern their path to happiness, holiness, and ultimately heaven.

Keepin' it Real

No folks, you're not looking at the latest "My home is better than yours" Home from Better Homes and Gardens.  This is what my house looks like today.  Ruby is puking from the overabundance of mucus that has accompanied her bout with "Flu B."  So I'm letting go of the house to take care of what matters most: the people in my life.

Thankfully, Ruby is napping peacefully right now, and in the time it's taken me to upload the pictures, I've gotten the kitchen cleaned up and a load of laundry started.  Nonetheless, I wanted to share a glimpse of raw, unedited "life"  Real life.

The extra snuggling time I've had today has given me time to think about just how grateful I am for my life today:  That I am married to a man who is my world, my love, my best friend, my better half.  That he works hard so that I can live my dream of staying home with our kids.  That I have been blessed twice with new souls to love and nurture here on earth.  That I have a warm home with beautiful Christmas decorations that make my heart glad.  That my family has enough clothes to make that mountain of laundry above.  That we have dishes and food and helping hands to create a dirty kitchen with.  That even on the messiest, most unproductive days I am SO ABUNDANTLY BLESSED.

Sometimes life is so messy and so beautiful all at the same time.

Catch-up

So it's been 3+ weeks since I posted... funny how life happens.  I was stressing about how exactly to update, then I decided I'm just going to jump in and do it without regards to formatting.  I didn't figure you'd mind.

-Ira's school had an adorable Christmas program on 12-12-12.  It was titled "In A Galilee Far, Far Away."  It was so cute and you could tell how VERY hard all the kids had worked on it.  I teared up during the program thinking about how grateful I am that Ira gets to go to a Catholic School where he can learn and sing about the true meaning of Christmas.

-Thursday before Christmas Break, Pope Paul VI Institute called to schedule my surgery date.  I am so ecstatic to finally have a date in my head to look forward to!

-Got an early Christmas present from Andy - a Deluxe Lightscoop for my camera.  Here is a great example of before and after the Lightscoop.  I'm totally thrilled with it.  These pictures were taken seconds apart from each other.  Not the greatest picture (artistically or technically) but a good example of the Lightscoop's capabilities:

-Spent the weekend before Christmas celebrating with 3 different family groups.  It was good to see everyone and we (the kids and us) were spoiled immensely by good food, good company, and thoughtful presents.  Got some AWESOME pictures with the lightscoop!

-Christmas "Break" was scarcely a break (other than from routines) because Ira (& Ruby eventually) was SICK with the Flu.  He looked over at me as 4:00 Christmas Eve Mass was ending and asked "Why is it so ccccccold in here?!"  At which point I knew he had a fever.  We missed Christmas at my parents' the next day which was one of the most difficult things I've ever subjected myself to (and I've had morning sickness and delivered 2 babies.)  Because essentially after the kids opened their presents, Christmas celebrating was "over" for us.  No second Christmas Mass, no presents and meals and games with family... just us. in our jammies. all day.  I'd like to say I was a champ about it, but I moped around a lot of the day and cried a lot too.

-We thought Ira's fever was gone (it was for almost a day) and went ahead with plans to host my friends from High School whom we got re-connected with after my 10 year reunion.  Ira & Ruby went to Andy's parents and we had a wonderful time talking, eating, and playing games with some of my closest friends from High School. I am so happy for these re-kindled friendships!

-Ira was NOT all better.  When we picked him up from Andy's folks' he felt warm and sure enough, had a fever.  We took him to my doctor's Immediate Care clinic (a WONDERFUL resource) where they diagnosed him with the Flu.  At that point, it was past the time that Tamiflu would work, so we were told to push fluids and rest.  His fever got up to 103.6 that night before finally breaking.  He slept that entire day and night and acted like he felt better.  His fever never did come back, although he still seems to be physically drained from the sickness.

-We did get to host my family on Saturday for Christmas.  Everyone came and boy was it nice to see them!  I finally got to give my mom the calendar that I'd spent dozens of hours working that included this little gem at the end (thanks to my sibs for going along with my crazy idea!):

-Ruby came down with a fever Sunday night.  Knowing that the only place she could've gotten it from was Ira, I took her to Immediate Care on Monday morning so that maybe she could get started on Tamiflu.  Her swab came back negative, but they did an RV Panel that had to culture for 48 hours and said if it came back by Wednesday, they would still give her the Tamiflu.  Her fever broke Monday night, but now she has the cruddiest sounding cough and runny nose.  They called today to say that the panel came back positive for "Flu B."  Push the fluids and rest.  Blurgh...

-Andy and I spent a lot of time playing "The Farming Game."  It's part Monopoly, part Stock Market game and a LOT of fun.  In fact, I like it better than Monopoly (this coming from a person with Christmas ornaments and books about Monopoly.)  We played one game with my sister and brother-in-law and then two games by ourselves.  It has yet to get old.

-Finished my hormone series for Dr. Hilgers.  Eleven blood draws later, I'm still alive and curious about what all that blood work is going to say about me.

-Andy and I "partied hard" New Years Eve playing The Farming Game, writing birthdays on the calendar for 2013, doing double shots of Tequila at Midnight, and staying up until 2:30 in the morning talking and writing up goals for the year.  Neither of us are really "resolution" type people, but it was a good opportunity to re-align our priorities with our values and make sure we're working towards them.

-Spent New Years day cleaning out closets and cabinets, getting rid of junk and rearranging the remaining items.  It was a nice start to the New Year.

-Pulled Ira's other top front tooth out.  It was like "pulling teeth" replete with Andy holding him and me pulling.  It had to come out, that's all I have to say.

-Spent the last day of Christmas Vacation going to lunch and eating sushi, then going to the mall and letting the kids do the "Bungee Bungee" and play Glo-Golf.  It was enjoyable to actually spend some time together doing something fun.

I am filled with hope for 2013.  Blessings to you and yours this year!

Journal: Dec 11

Outside my window: Sunny, little to no wind, very cold the last two mornings but has been warming to the mid forties in the afternoons.  Definitely more like December.  And although that's what I was saying we needed last week, I still don't like it.  My least favorite things: static cling and the whole coats + car seats ordeal.  


Clothing myself in: Denim trousers, black long-sleeved shirt with turquoise tank top underneath.

Around the house: Well, as we speak there are six tea towels spread out on the living room floor by Ruby to make a "skate park."  There are also crayons and painted pictures everywhere.  Life with children much?  There are actually some wrapped presents under the tree anxiously awaiting Christmas.

We have been doing a Jesse Tree for Advent and finally this week (after I printed another set of ornaments for Ruby to color rather than taking turns) we are getting to the point where we don't end our prayer time singing "Christ Circle Round Us" while wanting to kill each other.  Progress.

Ruby: Still on the "football player" kick.  She refers to herself as football player pretty much all the time now.  As in naming people off at the dinner table, "Mommy, football player, Ira, Daddy."  And she still wears the YMCA jersey whenever she can find it (not that anyone would ever hide it or anything...)  Some days Andy doesn't even know what clothes she has on until he gets her undressed for her bath because all he ever sees is "YNCAjersey" (read that really fast b/c that's how she says it, all smushed together.)  Still has her binkies.  Is singing some Christmas songs, which is just precious to me.  Favorites: "Hi shed the Donkey" (Friendly Beasts); We Wish You a Merry Christmas.  Is wearing a lot of 4T clothes now.  Which is just weird to me, because I don't think Ruby is very tall (in fact, to me she seems short for her age) but she needed more length in her shirts.  She's wearing a combo of 3 & 4T bottoms.  Girls clothing sizes (as well as women's for that matter) are so wonky...

Ira: Had a dentist appointment last week.  No cavities (hooray!) and got sealants put on 3 out of 4 six-year molars (the 4th still had some tissue over it.)  The top left tooth is very loose now but again, he wants nothing to do with pulling it out.  The dentist told us to buy some candy corn.  I snorted and told him he was probably the first dentist ever to tell a patient to buy and eat candy corn.  We did not buy any, therefore, the tooth is still there.  He did think he lost it this weekend at my parents, kind of a funny story.  He was getting undressed for his bath when he said "Grandma, my tooth is out!" (reminiscent of Thanksgiving) then he says "why is it so sticky?"  "And the new tooth that's growing in is already really big...and it's loose..." At which point my mom asked him to see the "tooth"  She smashed it in her fingers and a peppermint smell escaped.  Good try Ira, but it was just a piece of candy cane.  He has been really enjoying his Advent Chain activities.

In the kitchen: Spaghetti and Meatballs; Sweet & Sour Pork; Pepperoni Pizza; and Natalie's Tuna Noodle Salad.

Hobbies: I've been working on a project that despite my best efforts, just doesn't want to be finished.  We'll see what the next week brings.  Altered some pajama pants of Ira's (from St. Nick) that were 6" too big in the waist.  Now if only there were a way to lengthen his uniform pants and shirts.  I am seriously thinking we'll need longer ones before the school year is over.  Sheesh.  Truly grateful for healthy, growing kiddos though!  My new hobby: having blood work done every other day for the rest of this cycle.  Yippee!

Bringing me joy: The Christmas presents we bought on Saturday.  We really spent a lot of time picking out gifts for everyone on our list this year and I cannot WAIT to give them!  (I'm really bad at waiting to give gifts.)  Really grateful for the place we are right now in our lives - jobs/home/family I'm feeling very thankful lately for it all.  Playing with Ruby - she has quite the imagination (and has the funniest "voices" for her toys - really nasally and forced.)  Having a good dentist who I like and trust (even if I do have to get a crown next week...)  Our insurance agent calling us because he noticed (as I had) that our rates went up a decent amount.  He'd already found us cheaper (and better, honestly) coverage and just needed to know if we wanted to switch.  Thank you!

Thinking about: Christmas/St. Nick/Santa.  Looking forward to Ira's Christmas Program this week.  Writing our Christmas letter.  How much I love my hubby and can't imagine my life without him (an elderly woman at our parish recently lost her husband - I don't know why, but it's really getting to me.)

Picture to share:

Every month when we take our "monthly picture" I get asked "Can we do a silly one?!"   Believe it or not, this was the silly one from this past month.

Journal: Dec 4

Outside my window: sunny, 50s/low 60s.  We've had beautiful weather lately, just wishing it would rain for the farmers' sakes.  And wishing it would freeze for awhile so the bugs/spiders would go away.  This coming from the person who loathes winter.

Clothing myself in: Boots, skinny jeans, thermal t-shirt, brown short-sleeved sweater.

Around the house: Well, the house got cleaned in a whirlwind last Monday because I decided (that morning) to host around 20 people for a surprise birthday party for Andy.  We also decorated for Christmas this past weekend.  Ira was really excited about decorating this year (which was good, because I needed some motivation to actually do it.)  We don't do a ton of decorating, but what we do, I really love.

Ruby: Is still insisting that she is (or is going to be) a football player.  Everyone who comments on what a cute little girl she is gets the same response, "No, I'n a football player."  It cracks me up!  She is clinging to her binkies for now.  She loves having the Fisher Price Nativity scene out to play with.  She also loves the ornaments on the tree that make music - so far she's been good about being gentle with the tree/ornaments.  Has been copying her brother's attitude at times.  Replete with door slamming and yelling.  Oh joy!

Ira: Has had an attitude lately.  Last week was kind of a crazy week as far as after-school time went, which really seems to affect him negatively.  We tried to spend good, quality time with him this weekend, which helped some, but still he was doing this entitled/attitud-ey thing, so he had some consequences to face for that.  He really really needs the boundaries and consequences that a good routine provides, so we're trying to stick to it better this week.  Earned computer time for practicing piano ever day last week.

In the kitchen: Crockpot chili, Brown bag burritos, Homemade Chicken & Noodles, Tomato-Mushroom Soup with Grilled Cheese, and maybe Sweet & Sour pork.

Hobbies: I've been editing photos like crazy lately and am so pleased with how easy it has become now that I "know what I'm doing."  I just wish our computer was a little faster.  Maybe someday...

Bringing me joy: Hubby's 30th Birthday party was tons of fun.  Went to the zoo as a family this weekend and then went running at the park afterwards.  A new-found peace that God is asking us to wait for Him in a couple areas of our lives.  I am not usually good at being patient, but I am feeling a certain peace in waiting on God right now.   Started my complete hormone panel for Dr. Hilgers.  Curious to see what  all can be determined from it.

Thinking about: This article that a friend shared with me.  What a weird position it is to feel called to have a big family and physically not be able to (at least for now.)  Again though, I'm waiting on Him, and His plans for my life.

Pictures to share:

The big 30 year old!

I know it's blurry, but I LOVE the emotion is this picture!

Silly kiddos at the zoo!

  

Journal: November 25

Outside my window: Hmm... this isn't very exciting when one blogs from the basement with no windows at night.  The weather was nice today though, sunny and upper 40s to mid 50s I'd guess.

Clothing myself in: Black yoga pants, red long-sleeved running shirt, black NYC hoodie.

Around the house: Not much exciting, Ira was home on Thanksgiving Break all last week, so mainly I just tried to keep everyone alive and make sure that the kiddos picked up their toys each night.  I did rake the mountain of leaves off of the patio (the wind likes to leave them there for me) and put away some hoses outside.  That's something, right?

Ruby: Keeps talking about giving her binkies to the binky fairy.  It's not really a big deal either way to me when she gets rid of them, but it would be nice to not have to worry about always having one.  I told her maybe we'd try to leave them for the fairy tomorrow night.  I'll let you know how that goes...  She is doing really well with the whole "Quiet Time" thing in the afternoon.  More days than not she ends up asleep.  How long I let her stay asleep depends on how "well rested" she is.  She has also been asking to wear underwear to QT and to bed at night.  So far, we've just let her wear underwear at QT (her night-time diapers are still very wet most mornings) and she's done really well keeping them dry even while asleep.  Sigh.  My baby is growing up.  Cute Rubyism: We pray for a baby pretty much every night.  Well tonight when we were praying, Ruby told me that I could have one of her babies (dolls).  She can be such a sweetie!

Ira: Finally lost his top right tooth.  It had gotten to the point where he wouldn't even wiggle it because he was afraid it would just fall out.  On Thanksgiving day, he was chewing on a piece of candy corn when lo and behold he says, "my tooth is out!"  Pretty sweet way to loose a tooth!  He got to shoot a gun for the first time this weekend (under very close supervision, of course.)  I think he thought that was pretty cool.  He's progressing well in piano lessons (although we haven't been very diligent about doing a lesson every week.)  He's really motivated now though, because his Christmas Book is on the staff, and he has a few pages to go before he'll be playing comfortably across the staff.

In the kitchen: I'm really excited about the meals that I have planned for this week.  Tomorrow is Andy's birthday so we're making some special food to celebrate.  Gyros with Tzatziki and Greek salads; Monica's Mexican Chili; Chicken Palava with Rice; Pico de Tuna with some modifications (shredded carrots, rice, black beans, lime juice).  Mostly new recipes, which is always exciting!

Hobbies: Took some family pictures for my siblings and took our traditional big family picture on Thanksgiving.  I'm thrilled with how they turned out.  Made (with the kids) a present for my niece who turns 3 this week.

Bringing me joy: You know, sometimes in the midst of all this fertility/miscarriage/hormone-wackiness, it is very difficult for me to find joy.  The last couple of weeks whenever I get to this part of my journal, I've had to seriously grab for straws.  Some days, I just don't see much joy in my life at all.  And I know that sounds like a pessimistic and unappreciative attitude, but I am telling you, when I'm in that mental place, it just seems like everything goes wrong.  I am finding that exercising helps considerably, and I've also found that compartmentalizing the "going to PPVI Institute" hopes into a space where I don't let my mind wander often has helped as well.

That being said, this week was actually pretty good.  Things that brought me joy:  2 mile runs several times this week; Ruby wearing her big purple coat; playing Monopoly with Ira; praying with my nephew and niece, my kids sitting at "the big kid" table for Thanksgiving dinner, talking with my siblings and parents over a wonderful meal, a raise, going on a family date, talking politics with my hubby's family, playing peek-a-boo with an adorable 10 month old.

Thinking about: Celebrating my hubby's birthday tomorrow - he'll be 30!  Eeek!  That sounds so OLD when I type it!  Being kind even when I know my hormones want me to be grouchy and mean.

Pictures to share:

Look at that gap-toothed smile!  He's getting so big!

Ruby (in the YMCA jersey I mentioned last week) driving her baby around the house.

Sure do love these people!